Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
