lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
