he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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