Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your penis caused this!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
