Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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