how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
