What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
