She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
