just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
