I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
