You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
