I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
