Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
