I think im going to throw up on grandma
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
