and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
