i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
