I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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