twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
