This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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