that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
