I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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