I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
