I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Will exercising make me less horny?
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