I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
