The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
