he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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