at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
