cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
