Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
