I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
