Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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