The best revenge is premature balding
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
