At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
