i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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