Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
