They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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