I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
