Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
