If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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