your parents love me but you hate me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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