They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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