She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
