I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
