Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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