I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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