I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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