I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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