Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
