Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
