Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
