I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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