shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
