My friends, they love my intelligence
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
