I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
