In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
