five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
