I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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