Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
