Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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