best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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