I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
