nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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