if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
